Champagne, Oysters and Pandemic

No one will dispute the fact that love is what will get us through this pandemic.  Love gives us the strength to continue on when the odds are stacked against us and simply put, love is what makes life worth living.   Whether that’s love for a spouse or partner, our children, our parents, our pets, even our planet, love is what makes us feel alive.

So what does love look like during a pandemic?  It has taken on many forms the past few weeks for couples, it could be sharing a bottle of wine and take-out in any greenspace not covered in caution tape (in Miami it’s obviously bilingual caution tape) and for singles, it could mean swiping right on any and every dating app to all eligible singles deserving enough of a Facetime date.  

Even in perfect conditions, dating is complicated, now coupled with being quarantined in your house for an indefinite amount of time, it makes it damn near impossible.  And what about the scenario of finding someone you would consider as a potential quarantine partner? There is something very alluring about spending endless nights in the embrace of another while the world is crumbling around you.  The longing to feel safe, to feel protected from the unknown, dominates rational thinking and creates a bond with someone instantly in this unique time.  

And then you wake up….

The morning light peaks through the blinds as you gaze upon the person lying next to you,  scratching your head and saying to yourself, was I drunk this entire time? Looking at the half empty wine glasses strewn across the night stand, the answer is a resounding “YES”.  Did the quarantine serve as some powerful aphrodisiac that made us succumb to a moment of weakness? Would we normally reply to a text message received at 10pm from a neighbor, just after curfew, saying “baby, you want to cuddle?” after days of no contact?  

I will admit to being the champion of making bad decisions when it comes to dating however,  most of those bad decisions were a whole lot of fun in the moment. And if that bad decision translates into watching Tiger King, or some other piece of garbage on Netflix, with a half naked virtual stranger, it is certainly way more entertaining with a warm body next to you.  And by that same token, board games take on a whole new meaning when Monopoly is suddenly transformed into Strip Monopoly.  

And let’s talk about food.  I’m certainly no chef, and with limited takeout options available, if you can cook a decent meal or at least make a tasty cocktail, that’s a panty dropper in itself.  I am amazed at how many mediocre men are coming out ahead in this pandemic due to the fact that instead of going to football practice or to their senior prom, they were hanging out with their grandmother in the kitchen learning how to make arroz con pollo.  On the flip side, for girls like me that wanted to be at lacrosse practice instead of making cupcakes for the basketball team, it can be a real struggle. Trying to cook a homemade meal with whatever ingredients are currently available in the sparsely stocked shelves of Whole Foods can get really tricky, not to mention, I’ve never really understood the difference between the bake and broil settings on my oven.  

As the days and weeks pass by in quarantine, we will all reevaluate what really matters in life.  We will also come to reevaluate our choices in life, including our partners. The lovely couple that shared the bottle of wine on the grass during the first few days of shut down is now quarreling behind face masks in the fancy cheese area of the grocery store.  Conversely, singles that had been strangers mere weeks ago, are now making space in their homes for an extra tooth brush and a change of clothes. 

There can be so much beauty in total chaos.  The current situation has forced us to find happiness in simple pleasures.  We are discovering the joy of a stroll around the neighborhood, riding a bicycle that had been collecting dust in the garage or simply cooking a meal together.  Children are spending much needed time with their parents and parents are finally present and rested enough to actively enjoy their children. We are also learning patience, patience in running our daily errands that were once so quick and easy, patience with one another, and patience within ourselves.  The earth is healing as we are healing, and if in that healing, a quarantine lover soothes your nerves and helps you make the bed in the morning, they are truly a treasure.

Escape from Milan

Having returned from Italy just a few weeks ago as the coronavirus just started to put the city on lockdown, I am beginning to come to terms with the new world order. Walking around Milan at a time when it would typically be bustling with tourists in town to attend Milan Fashion Week events, only to be greeted by empty streets and deserted cafés was shocking. Even more shocking or appalling, I’m not sure which, was the occasional fashionista in her mink coat and surgical mask bearing a fake Gucci logo, making a mockery of the whole situation…only in Milan. Even the majestic Duomo stood powerless against the mighty coronavirus, it’s ornate doors closed indefinitely. The only signs of life were the dozens of food delivery bicycles enjoying the anomaly of traffic-free streets.

The flight home from Milan was even more sobering, being surrounded by people uttering muddled Italian through their surgical masks and tension rising each time someone would cough or sneeze. Children played in the isles with their Mickey Mouse t-shirts on in hopes that once escaping the grim reality of Milan, they would soon be greeted by the welcoming gates of “the happiest place on earth” complete with a dancing mouse and other assorted Disney cartoon characters. I was going home, others were escaping the reality that was their home.

Even trying to sleep on the eleven hour flight back was nearly impossible since fear and anxiety permeated my thoughts as to what was waiting for me once the flight landed. I had tossed and turned the night before in our hotel room at the airport since the last thing we wanted to do was stay in Milan’s city center. I pictured the next two weeks of my life being spent in some basement storage room of Miami International Airport, serving as a make shift quarantine for all the passengers on my flight.

Everyone on the flight had already implemented social distancing even before it had become an everyday term, with one person spread across an entire row, eliminating as much contact as possible. The flight attendants tried to limit contact with the passengers as much as possible and would grudgingly provide service swiftly and cautiously, only as needed. No refills or warm cookies on this flight!

I was glued to the screen showing the flight progress, eagerly anticipating arriving home in Miami however, I was equally dreading what that could potentially mean regarding quarantine procedures. It was no doubt the right thing to do since we were flying back just days after the outbreak in Milan and across the entire Lombardy region. We had been skiing four hours away in the Dolomites, in what seemed like a parallel universe however, the drive back to Milan was quite sobering. We had stopped in Verona for lunch and made it out just as they began shutting off the streets in and out of the city.

It was an absolute dream of a vacation with perfect weather, perfect skiing and incredible food. And it all came to a screeching halt. “Ladies and gentleman, please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for landing” came over the loudspeaker as the flight attendants scurried back to their seats. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and enjoyed what I thought might be my last few moments of freedom before being swiftly escorted into quarantine.

That’s Not Me

Anyone that knows me is aware of my unhealthy obsession with Game of Thrones, both the books and the shows. I am in awe of George R.R. Martin’s ability to develop characters with such duality and depth, that learn and grow throughout the series, some in positive ways, others not so much. At any point in the books we view each character as a hero, the next as a villain, then back to hero status.

One of my favorite characters in the series is Arya, driven initially by anger and revenge, she is unrelenting in her pursuit of justice for the Stark family. In stark contrast to her sister Sansa (pun intended) who is laser focused on becoming a lady and queen, Arya knows at a young age she must follow a different path. Even when her father speaks of her one day marrying a high lord and ruling his castle her response is “that’s not me”. For a little girl to shun societal norms and know her true identity is so rare yet so beautiful. In a society where media tells us how we should look, what we should eat, who and when we should marry, and at what age we should pack it all in, anyone that lives their truth, even a fictional character from a different era, proves so refreshing.

Identifying your purpose in life and actually living it is so rare. Filtering out all the chatter from media and becoming the person you were meant to be, the person that was put on this earth to contribute something amazing is a task in itself. Not to mention, it will require work, unpleasant work that will isolate you and make you question if this is really the path you are destined to follow. Manifesting your gifts can be a lonely voyage however the other option is to continue to live in a fog of mediocrity.

You were put here for a very distinct reason, one unique to you and only you and not to abide by the expectations of others. My very favorite scene in Game of Thrones is when Nymeria, Arya’s dire wolf appropriately named after a warrior queen, protects her from being mauled by the other members of her pack during a chance encounter on the way to Winterfell. Once Arya realizes it is Nymeria, her once dutiful pet that has rescued her, she invites her to return home with her. Nymeria’s response is to turn away and lead her pack back into the woods with Arya whispering to herself “that’s not you.” She understands that Nymeria has found her way, her place, her pack, and is no longer the pup that helped her pack for King’s Landing.

Who am I is a question we all need to answer and it cannot be found in some book or online, it is buried in the depths of your soul waiting to reveal itself.

Have Huge Dreams

 “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

-Harriet Tubman

You don’t know me. I don’t know you. However, there is one thing that connects us, one thing that connects all humans, and that’s passion. Some of us feel it burning freely inside of us and live it everyday. Some others have let that passion dwindle so that it is a smoldering ember living sadly beneath a list of mundane tasks and mindless work. Passion fuels dreams and feeds our soul, it nourishes our essence. For many years I have struggled with trying to rekindle that passion that I allowed to go dormant. It has always lived inside of me, just as it lives inside of each one of you, yet I sadly allowed my passions to be eclipsed by societal norms and traded that passion in for a steady paycheck and a 401k.

Nothing is more desperate than dreams unfulfilled and yet so many of us suppress those dreams and elect to travel the “safe” route. Well guess what? There is no safe route. We’re all going to die sooner or later and meeting that fate with dreams still left to dream is the saddest demise I could ever image.

My plea with myself is to live my dreams, to live every moment of everyday with passion and purpose. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet, it is a work in progress, since somehow along the way, I stopped following my passions. My promise to myself, just days before my birthday, is to find my way, understanding there will be missteps along the journey, and to embrace each of these missteps as an opportunity to learn and grow but to always fan the flame that lives deep inside of me and to let that passion manifest into things greater than myself.

It is a journey into the unknown. A beautiful, terrifying, exhilarating journey. A journey into what it means to truly be alive and to push all boundaries and speak deeply and passionately from my heart and soul. Will you join me on this journey?